FOMO And The Act Of Self-Removal

Competition is naturally a big part of life. We perceive others simultaneously as friend and foe, as ally and threat, and no matter where you go and what you do, at some time or another this mindset will interfere with everything you have going for you. Per example, as I ‘worked’ (no pay, not really working) in film journalism it was always great to see friends rising up, getting cushy gigs, the bigger junkets, but of course it was also a hard hit when you didn’t get anything close to that, when you watch people younger, fresher, rising faster and higher. Eugh. One only need spend ten minutes on Facebook, seeing the lives other people present to the world to feel like you’re not doing well enough, that they scored all the winning goals and you’re still on the bench wondering when you’ll be subbed in (The world cup is coming, so naturally I’m finding ways to make this relevant). The term FOMO seems silly, it’s a catchy little acronym for something that also seems ludicrous, like some ‘millenial angst bullshit’, fear of missing out. It is very real, of course, but the cutesy attempt to name it kills the seriousness inside. Sure, you may get ‘a mild case of FOMO’ or ‘FOMO like a motherfucker’ when you see someone’s at a big event of an evening, and in most cases it’s simple envy, but things can build. I fear missing out on everything. Not on the latest film, not on a party, not on a trip abroad (Although, guys, seriously, let’s do something) but on the whole damn ride.

I write essays about myself from time to time, I’m a writer so it’s natural to just splurge a word count on the self, I think more about myself than anyone else ever will, so apologies if this hits boxes ticked before, there’s not a lot going on with me actively, which is what this is about. A few years back I had a real down period as a film journalist (unpaid) and took a back seat on it, seeking out something else that could become both love and profession. It was when I managed to get a job as an editor at a post house, and it felt like good things do happen. This came tumbling down as a series of mental health deteriartions, intense working conditions and narcissistic tendencies from other folk turned life into a nightmare where it was keep working and throw myself under a train within the next month, or quit immediately and try and reahbilitate myself into the world. I quit, saved the train for another day. And I quit. Everything.

In a bit of an experiment I exiled myself from everything except the cinema, social media and whenever people invited me to something. So, basically, I sat around in the dark for the majority of the last 18 months. It’s not a great feeling when you realise people don’t just get on without you, but seem to flourish, and I’m sure folk will say ‘that’s not true, we love you’ but, I mean, the results speak for themselves. It put my mind in a dark place, naturally, as what good have I given the world? Ultimately all I want to do is make people happy, make things, art, that makes people feel something beautiful and maybe smile. As it stands, I’m at a crossroads and utterly lost as to how, or who, or what, or even why I should keep aiming for that. I’m not a normal person, I’ve become wildly aware of that over the course of my life, as I watched friends at school become normal people. I had FOMO before they had a name for it. I watched folk at college and uni grow from teens to adults naturally, they had a sense of what they were going to do, and had friends, loves, a sense of themselves and the world around them that led to confidence, an air of an ability to make things happen, and independence. As I sat around, writing so many things about the worlds I envisioned around me, about people I’d want to follow, to watch go through trials and tribulations, and forgot to live my own life as I created others. And then I became an adult.

You read about folk that made their big statement in the world when they are in their 40s or 50s, authors, painters, designers, and you have a nice moment feeling there’s no rush, art will happen, it’ll find an audience eventually (Herman Melville died in poverty but Moby Dick is forever considered a masterpiece and one of the bigger-selling books along with The Bible and my upcoming book Please Buy Me – I Will Update This Title Later), but then you think about how these people lived before, wrapped up in building their dream but also having a life, adventures, something more before they broke through to the entire world. That’s terrifying. How does one be a person when all they think about, day and night, is something internal, something they want to, nay need to, put out there? How does one create and be true to their inner self when doing ‘normal person’ things take over so much, and stop you from being the you required? Is that when you give up? Is that when you give it all up? Is that even possible? Like some sort of artistic rehabilitation, or worse, lobotomy, so you can finally ingratiate yourself into human society? I’m scanning for answers myself, these are questions I think almost all the time. I, personally, oftentimes wish I was born of normal stock, to grow into something more average person-ey. Being weird is a burden I’m not, as I stare into the late twenties of my life, able to handle still.

I’ll get into myself a bit more now. A few months ago I finally decided to ask my mother the true story of how she and my father met. For years they fed a convenient story of how he was an electrician that she called out to her flat to fix the fuse, and they fell… Thing is, from a child, my father, who was an electrical technician, was scarred by an electician who was electricuted in his house becuase he worked with the mains still on. So, why would he Batman it up and do the one thing he’s scared of? (Not because he’s brave, my father, bless him, is not an outgoing or self-confident person, he’s just a loud introvert) So my mother finally dishes the reality on me, and don’t tell anyone I told you this, because she used that story for cover for decades. They met through early electronic dating. This was the 80s, and these two people couldn’t find someone for them in the world as normal, so through the will of new technology and money they were paired together. Were it not for Benedict Cumberbatch’s Oscar-nominated role I wouldn’t be writing this essay. This threw my head through the ringer.
I struggled being normal when I thought my parents were normal folk that met through usual ways, meet-cutes, banter in a bar, a quirky date, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, but now here we are, my parents couldn’t find weight, meaning, love in the world they occupied so had to pay to search for something. And for what? All my life I’ve seen two individuals who sleep seperately, live seperately and maybe have dinner and/or coffee together, they’ll watch sport together, and that’s it. It’s not a spark, it’s not a beautiful happily-ever-after, it’s not for the ages, it all feels like two people who decided that they could tolerate one-another JUST enough (And even then…) to proceed living a life together, starting a business together (Mother doing the admin side, father doing repair work) and for some reason creating life together.

It has fucked me up royally to think about these two, and what I must be as I come from them. Despite all the things I have done, all the places I have gone, all the people I have met, I still feel like some glitch in the universe, from two folk that were never meant to have met. And yet I have a brother. Two years older. Just hit 30. Married to the love of his life, they show passion, dedication, real love for one another, they have two angelic boys that bring smiles to the coldest hearts. Wh…how? Is it that he got everything, and I’m the ‘other bits’ of humanity? Did he just realise early on that escaping is the best way for it? Surely not, he bought a house around the corner from where we lived all our lives. So with ease I can look across the way and feel the FOMO of life. Of a family that loves, that cares, that feels more than obligation to be within a room with one another.

I’ve had a lot of time to think about this stuff, as an introvert it’s a lot of where my mind would go to anyway, but I believe due to schedules and lacking want from folk around the small town of London I’ve spoken to 4 people in the past month. When you remove yourself from the conversation and see it go on without you, it becomes nigh-on impossible to jump back in. It becomes painful to realise your limited part in the world, your lacking use as anything but a supporting character folk pop in on once in a while to vent their problems to. Like a third-tier character in a movie, it’s like my sub-plot barely exists and certainly doesn’t move when the protagonists aren’t spending time with me. I seemingly freeze, don’t do a thing, when I’m not part of the story, I become nothing, dust, waiting for the spotlight to hit once more for another few seconds. It’s bizarre, and entirely my own doing. I wouldn’t know what to do with life if it handed itself to me anyway. It’s just not in my backstory.

I am missing out and I am deeply afraid. And I don’t know how to start. Or why I should. Or who I can trust enough to commit such reverence to, or what I should do, or when, which, the reporter questions. I just don’t want to remove myself more than I have done, it turns out when you George Bailey yourself it’s not as wonderful as his life looked.

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Rules Don’t Apply Trailer sets cinema record


Fox Searchlight are celebrating this weekend as UK cinemas see the Warren Beatty trailer screen across the country for a 4th consecutive month. Since commencing its roll-out on New Year’s Day with A Monster Calls’ feature release, the trailer, which runs 90 seconds, has been screened before such acclaimed features as Moonlight, La La Land, Fences and Hidden Figures and looks set to continue its run with the release of demographically-similar films like The Sense Of An Ending and Their Finest in the coming weeks.

Whilst it isn’t unheard of for trailers to continue a run in cinemas for up to 3 months if they are big studio blockbusters, this little trailer that could seems to be the sleeper hit advertisement of the year, and Fox Searchlight will be looking to team up again with Beaty, who serves as director, producer and star along with a cast that includes Grace And Frankie’s Martin Sheen, Ireland’s second son Matthew Broderick and Lily Collins’ eyebrows, for further trailers in the future. Other studios are reportedly gearing up their off-season greypound pleasant Sunday afternoon movie trailers to launch with The Fate Of The Furious this coming week in an effort to get the word out and see similar sustained runs over the summer season, but for now it appears that there is no stopping Rules Don’t Apply’s UK cinema domination, as the feature adaptation is tentatively pencilled in for a release ‘sometime, maybe, soon’ from Searchlight UK.

The Best Films Of 2015 So Far!

We are somehow half-way through the year of our Lord Xenu 2015 and never has there been so many great movies put out by the wonderful film studios that tell us how to live our lives, love our loves and watch our watches. We saw an apocalyptic road movie, a super-powered action movie and, oddly, a holiday destination overtaken by extinct beings, but there’s also been a treasure trove of quality films. I’m excited to take you on a journey of the best films of this half-year (NO DEBATING!)

5. Rocky Mountain High

RockyMountainHighSlightly hurt on release when similar events happened only 4 days out of opening weekend, this romp around a mountain climbing high school’s stoner-social infrastructure in the middle of an avalanche of gummi bears seemed destined to be forgettable nonsense from the first EVV spread to the TV spots, but the film managed to find heart in the hemp. A messy third act couldn’t stop the laughs a-coming and the surprisingly brutal gummi-deaths from bringing audiences to their knees. A sequel is in development, although Taylor Kitsch says he doesn’t intend to return to the franchise after a run in with director Herve Sebastian-Stanley-Wittington outside a Dave & Busters in January.

4. Snatched Courage: The Leaf DeVergent Story

SnatchedCourageThere’s not many great biopics out there, everything has to fit a streamlined structure, dramatic moments are shoe-horened in unlike real life, so it was a surprise that famed hang-gliding bank-robber Leaf DeVergent’s autobiography adaptation would be as avant de-Garde (ahem) as it is. Writer-director Leslie McMahon Quevanzhenie Wallishawn brings her trademarked narrative empathy into a big studio project, and like Jesus Of Alabama and The Many Suits In My Closet, Snatched Courage hits the humanity of Leaf way before we fly into epic hang-gliding bank-robbing set-pieces. It may be a touch over 3 hours long, but to tell the story of a great human like Leaf we need to sit through the 40 minute piano lesson/child abuse one-take improvised scene. As I said in my review back in March “This film stole more than the studio’s finances last June, it also stole my heart. And for that, I demand it never go to jail again!” Oh I am witty.

3. Rascals 4

Rascals4There’s something in the water over at Paramax, each time they announce a Rascals movie we collectively sigh and complain, wasn’t the last one a suitable enough franchise-ending story? and then each time one comes out we unite and love what they do to the tale of three wise-cracking New York cops mysteriously flown to the Sahara, trying to find their way back. It doesn’t matter that each film has the exact same plot, or that the only difference between each one is they recast the black guy, it’s always funny and fresh and original.

2. Untitled Michael Caine Lee Tamahori Romance Project

LeeTamahoriThe rise of Nicholas Sparks to the role of president of the United States Of Sparksmerica has meant a real void in paperback romance novels that can be adapted, so when Werner Bros announced their plans to write an original love story and turn it to a film BEFORE releasing the novel version, we were all confused at the process. The eventual film, released without a final title, or effects, colour timing, audio mixing, any form of editing or much dialogue that wasn’t improvised is a sight to behold, somehow infuriatingly inept and yet gloriously truthful about the human condition, the ways of love and the difficulties in making something original, which is why we all want adaptations or remakes instead. So much simpler. A triumphant effort. Unwatchably inspired.

1. The Bleeborks: The Movie! in What Happened To Sofiebork?

BleeborksThe second movie for The Bleeborks brings the TV show’s beloved cast back, with the exception of Samantha Mortonantivirus’ Sofiebork, whose drunken antics on EVV’s red carpet last year shunned her from Hollywood forever and a day, and this time the focus is on the family dog Dogbork. Dogbork’s real family come in from a parallel universe to ‘bark’ him to join their family again, but will Dogbork go to his original family or stay with his new family, who have loved him for 8 seasons and a hit feature already?

I think the announcement of the third movie “The Bleeborks: The Movie! in Dogbork Is Still In The Series” gives us a hint. In the words of the alien-family’s mutant canarybaby, ‘Let us play on until the fat lady sings’. Classic Canarybabybork.

Well, that’s it for this half-year. Now go and watch the government-mandated 3 films a week for another 6 months and we’ll re-convene to see how the rest of the year holds up. And remember, if you don’t like a film, don’t EVER say so online, we will find you and we will disassociate you from your torso – The Government

Entourage… The Movie Version; Entourage

Bros from all places, all ages, all genders, the movie adaptation of HBO’s hit comedy ‘Entourage’ has officially hit US shores, and is doing so well they’re already talking about how to raise the capital to try and make a second film just for fans again, and like all good humans the brosts of Yellin’ ‘Bout Ellin have seen the movie, and found time from talking about it privately to talk about it publicly.

So here we are.

Andrew in England.

Nick in Hollyweird Californ-I-A.

The audio can be choppy but the information is solid, the bits are saturated and spoilers are here, so be warned if you’ve yet to experience the acclaimed motion picture.

It’s all been leading up to this.

Now what?

Check out the show on iTunes and the Stitcher Radio app.

Yellin’ ‘Bout Ellin: The Final Seasons of Entourage

Nothing like the end of a long-running series to get the biggest cameos, moments and Drama beats you can, and Entourage, and by definition Yellin’ ‘Bout Ellin: An All Encompassing Look At HBO’s Hit Comedy ‘Entourage’ By Bro’s, For Bro’s, nails it square in the eye in seasons 7 and 8, 2 disks a-piece that house 18 episodes of the show, lovingly discussed in the audio bars below.

But as we await the movie in mere weeks there’s a lot to talk about, like…

Maybe which Ghostbuster each Raj’ member is?

That could be an ep.

Or, how about a karaoke of each song on the soundtrack?

Ok.

But, things may be slowing down now the show is over, but there’s a level of detail that went into crafting the podcast that we as hosts wish to share with you. We didn’t just re-watch every episode of Entourage (In some cases we didn’t have time so rushed maybe Season 7 disk 2 a little too much) but we chronicled them in insanely specific spreadsheet details, and we wish to prove that we did something with our lives by posting the data here, a sort-of read-along companion to the shows.

Entourage Metadata

As you can see we had ideas to work with that never came to fruition (The show was also planned as a 3-times-a-week cast, one ep per ep, but the first ep record ran 40 mins and not 5 like planned, so Nick and I scratched that and went for looser collections, but just know each ep’s release dates and days until the movie from October were there, and in insane detail.

Now for the finale of the podcast, which you can find on iTunes, Stitcher and, easily, below:

Season 7

Disk 1

Disk 2

Season 8

Disk 1

Disk 2

Thanks for listening, hanging and yellin’, now onwards and to the movie!

OH YEAH!

Yellin’ ‘Bout Ellin – Seasons 4-6

Nick Torres and Andrew Jones cast many pods into the sea as the build-up to Entourage… The Movie Version; Entourage prepares to hit cinemas, not just a detailed look at the second poster and trailer, but nailing Seasons 4, 5 and 6 over the last few months.

EntouragePoster2

You can hear the episodes on Soundcloud, iTunes and Stitcher Radio, and check out the hot viral clip made for youtube success:

The Second Trailer:

Season 4

Disk 1

Disk 2

Disk 3

Season 5

Disk 1

Disk 2

Disk 3

Season 6

Disk 1 (Plus exclusive Adrian Premiere competition)

Disk 2

Disk 3 (With special guest Liam Neeson)

Now only a month until the feature film, we enter the home stretch, 4 more disks, 2 more seasons, and maybe some preview, review, set reports, interviews, soundtrack discussion, cast news and even more Yellin’ ’bout Doug Ellin than anyone could possibly need.

OH YES YEAH!!!

Yellin’ ‘Bout Ellin Does Entourage Season 3

We’ve already presented the first few episodes in the podcast that dares to examine every episode of HBO’s hit comedy ‘Entourage’ in excruciating detail, but the minds of Andrew Jones and Nick Torres have just completed the longest season of Doug Ellin and Mark Wahlberg’s show, season 3, which ran 20 episodes over 2 parts, equating to 5 disks in 2 boxsets as the show lays out.
You can find every episode so far on iTunes and Soundcloud, and more episodes will be coming up every Monday-or-so until the release of the future hit movie Entourage (No colon The Movie) but if you’ve yet to pack up your Queen’s apartment and make the move to LA, now’s a good time to begin your journey.
Season 3
Part 1

Disk 1

Disk 2

Disk 3

Part 2

Disk 1

Disk 2

Oh yeah…