The worst has come.
The Muppets Take Manhattan.
But Andrew, you may say, this isn’t too bad. I mean, sure it’s a little slapdash, the pace is lost in a mix of breaking up and getting the band back together, the sight gags are lacking, the whimsy is lost altogether and the wit is rarely glimpsed, but it’s not the worst Muppet movie. Well, you’d be right, although call me Andrew again and we’ll have a big fucking problem, it’s Mr. Jones, motherfuckers.
Yes, so, it’s not their worst film, I mean, it may not have as convoluted a plot as Great Muppet Caper, and has Kermit getting run over, but it’s not overall the worst.
However, there was a point in this movie, and I’m not focussing on anything else here, that actually made me shriek upon sight. Be warned, it’s a scary picture.
Ok, and now the image from the film.
Muppets as babies? I know there was a cartoon and everything, but that just doesn’t excuse it. Look at them. LOOK AT THEM!
Their eyes are busting out of their skulls, they wear diapers yet none have ever had a bowel movement, all ares together in a room with no adult supervision, yet can have a miniature grand piano, which if one opened up and crawled inside would wind up strangling themselves, and, well, they are Muppets as babies. This is what David Lynch would consider fine children’s entertainment.
Nothing about that image, nor the scene in question, is acceptable, morally, ethically, legally. It’s a violation of childhood, of iconic creations and should be destroyed forever.
I actually can’t look at it anymore, it makes me want to tear my eyeballs out and vomit acid over anyone who signed off on the designs and the script revisions for the scene. In that order, the burning flesh would be horrendous to watch.
Anyway, the film has some high points, namely in the Gill, Jill, Bill and Kermit’s amnesiac “Phil” in their ad agency. Stupid, sure, but entertaining.
And it’s always pleasant to have Rizzo pop up and do lines of dialogue, as noted by next month’s film, he is a gem as the idiot next to a great straight guy.
But why does The Muppets Take Manhattan have so many humans in it? And not in small roles, no, they take up more screentime than, say, Beaker (One scene in the background, mute) or Statler & Waldorf (Barely around, like they don’t like us anymore), who goes to the cinema to witness a Human Movie? I mean, that’s ridiculous, we can see humans on the street, and unless you live in Los Angeles, the Muppets are never around, and believe me, I’ve waited, watching.
The Muppets Take Manhattan’s heart is strong, swelling in fact, but it’s irreverent humour, satire, edge is lost for the sake of emotion, and as a soulless robot, I take kindly to this not one bit.
Fun fact, however, John Landis appears in this film, having a scene with Kermit. John Landis pointed at me and called me his hero. I have, thus, worked with The Muppets by proxy. It may not make sense to you, but let me have this win, damnit!
Oh well, next month is a certified classic, and the post will appear after a lovely big screen viewing on December 17th! Until then, here’s a picture of Beaker and Dr. Bunsen cooking meth.